Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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