The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
