sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We have started to decorate penises.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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