Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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