And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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