Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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