Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
