do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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