Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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