R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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