A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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