I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
