Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
