and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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