And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
