**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
