have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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