Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
