God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
