she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
