You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
