nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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