I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
