The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
