The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
