He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
