You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
