$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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