Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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