I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
