i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
