I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
