You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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