you guys were way drunker than both of me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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