ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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