I accidentally had phone sex last night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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