Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
