I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
