he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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