Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
