If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
