Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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