My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
