Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
