The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
