I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
