There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Welp...herpes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
