I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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