That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
