My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
