i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
