I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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