So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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