when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
