did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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