ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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