He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
