Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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