Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
