the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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