Girls should come with a carfax report
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
