Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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